the past few days have been a surreal experience.... Michael Jackson's death is still incomprehensible to me, but I guess as everyone does,I am starting to come to terms with it (some what). My family and I went to see his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was awesome. Everyone was there for the same reason, which in a way united us. Just like when i went to visit his Beverly Hills rental home on the first night, everyone was hugging and sharing stories about the memories and experiences with MJ. People were selling flowers to place on the star. They were also selling photos and shirts. One lady brought out all her MJ memorabilia for people to look at. She had vinyl records, magazines, newspapers, and even a blown up Polaroid photo of her and MJ together many many years ago. Hollywood blvd was full of his music and people waved flags and banners with his name and picture. Even some of the retail shops and theaters displayed his photos.

I think doing these things has been a somewhat soothing experience for me. Although i will no longer have the opportunity to see him perform, I will have the memory of celebrating his life with people who loved and admired him as much as I did.

I think about how his life was not his own. How it did not belong to him because he gave his entire life to us, his fans. From childhood until his death he gave us his all perfecting every dance move, performing with razor sharp precision, his voice undeniably flawless. He gave to the world, using his fame to better the lives of others, and teaching us to be humanitarians. He was a giver, but the price he paid is something that i would wish for no one. I can only imagine how drained he must have been - physically, mentally, emotionally. He gave until he couldnt give any more. His life was both a blessing and a curse. But he was beautiful, and he was wonderful, and he was magnificent. And although it may be selfish of me, knowing that this great man is gone truly hurts. Knowing that the body that once moved with such grace and energy now lies still makes me so incredibly sad. I'm going to miss you so much Michael.... you'll always be in my heart.